accidents

your son had an accident.
can you come to the school right away?

that’s what the lady from the school said to aunty shamim over the phone, which made aunty rush to ahsan’s school. when she got there, he was in the main office with his clothes wet, but there were no broken bones, no bloody nose, and not even a scratch on his body.

what the school had actually said was your son accidentally peed in his clothes...

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remember those days in pakistan when diapers were plastic shells, lined with folded up face cloths? and they weren’t for everyday wear. your ammi dressed you in one when when you were going somewhere special, preferrably to gujrat, gujranwala, or lahore.

months before my brother, haseeb, started wearing those old school nappies, he peed in random places around our house in kunjah. as a wee infant he projectile peed, as he lay on his back, from one end of the manji to the other. once he started crawling, he’d ‘go’ in shelves, in and around the stacked dinnerware. good times. when we moved to dunyapur and ammi had to go to multan for treatment, she’d leave me to look after the baby haseeb. every day, without fail, he would pee in my lap. i don’t know. he must’ve found it a nonthreatening and comfortable place.

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in kindergarten, haseeb ended up with the looniest teacher on the planet, mrs s. she was notorious for singling out a couple of kids in each class and making them go through hell. during a recess in the thornliffe playground adjacent to the school, haseeb asked mrs s if he could use the washroom. she said no. and haseeb ‘went’ behind the bushes. in public. the psycho teacher was livid and made a huge fuss over the matter. the parents and i told haseeb what he did was wrong, but privately we all thought whattheeff is the lady’s problem. he’s a kid, dammit. and just look at him: he’s so tiny and cute and innocent.

something about my brother’s antics – tantrums, interruptions in class, daydreaming and the public peeing – caught her attention in a bad, bad way. she tried to convince us that he had learning and hearing disabilities, and was somehow psychologically not right. in fact, the school referred haseeb to various specialists to check his vision, hearing, and mental health. they collectively dismissed her idiotic hunches. the annoying appointments and follow-ups continued throughout elementary and middle school. i felt for haseeb and often wanted to punch the lady in her douchy face.

(aside: when she arranged a meeting and suggested to my parents that my brother had psychological problems, abbu told her to her face that she was the crazy one who needed help. i heart abbu so much for doing that. i swear the woman was a cruel witch.)

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haseeb was now six and had been bugging the parents for days to let him sign up for after-school karate classes. they gave in pretty easily. so when ammi went to pick him up one afternoon, she found the inner sides of his pant legs wet.

the instructor had told the kids that they were to wait until the end of class to have a drink or use the washroom. the kid must’ve had to go really badly because he did, right there, in the middle of the class, amidst the fellow karate kids plus instructor. the instructor dude – bless his heart – comforted my brother by saying that he had done the exact same thing when [he] was little, and in fact still peed his pants from time to time. clearly, we need more teachers like him.

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that is all. i’ll save mani’s bedwetting stories for another day.